14 Desember 2012

It was already 6.30 PM. I was about to finish all my tasks and went home when my phone rang. It was from my mom. She was about to deliver a very heart-breaking news: my cousin’s husband died. 😦

I’ve known Bang Togi for almost 2 years. His relationship with my cousin had been through so much ups and downs. It was not easy but they faced all the problems together. It was them versus the world. When they finally decided to get married, probably I was the happiest person because I knew that they deserved it.

To get married wasn’t easy for them. They needed to walk through so many obstacles. Their wedding was one of the weddings I would remember. I could see how happy they were. Bang Togi was perfect for Kak Nova. It was a beautiful wedding. It was last just last year, October 2011.

On their wedding day

On their wedding day

me and Kak Nova in their wedding day

me and Kak Nova in their wedding day


Bang Togi was a nice and helpful person. I considered him as my brother. I could see how he tried hard to make Kak Nova happy. He had this big problem with his mother that stressed him out, but he never wanted to let Kak Nova sad so he kept that for himself. In front of us, he looked happy. Like there was nothing that would make him worried. He was even in charged in my wedding.

As he felt stressed out, it affected his health. In 2012, he got typhus 4 times. He needed to take a rest in hospitals. He lost weight significantly. He said that he was just tired of his workload.

Two weeks ago, he had problem with his lungs. He was hard to breathe. When he went to hospital, the doctor took him to the ICU. He had to wear the oxygen mask to help him to breathe. From then, he never put off that mask again.

We always thought that he would get better. He tried to fight with his disease (that we didn’t know exactly what was that because the doctor couldn’t find it). I went to visit him 2 times and he said he would get better soon, for his wife. Kak Nova spent a week in  hospital just to take care of him.

Three days before his death, a relative told his mom about his condition. They had this debate and fought again. His condition was getting worse since then. The next day, the doctor came to tell him that one of her lungs didn’t work anymore. The lung became white. He was shocked and afraid. He thought there was no hope. He was depressed. He told his father in law to take him home. He wanted to die at home. Of course, we didn’t do that because the best place to cure his health was to be at hospital.

On December 14, 2012, when his wife was in office, he felt that he couldn’t breathe. He asked for more oxygen. But the nurse couldn’t do it because it was over the limit. He coughed very hard, he hardly could breathe. At 5.15 PM, he closed his eyes forever. He ended his 1 year 2 months marriage to go to heaven.

Nobody couldn’t tell Kak Nova that his husband already passed away. So, when she came to hospital to see that she already lost her husband, it was heart-breaking moment. She asked her father, why would God took away his husband, why He let such a kind person to go. She asked her mother who would sleep with her from now on. She cried and cried and cried that everybody around her started to cry.

I probably just knew Bang Togi for a brief period, but he was like my brother. I couldn’t tell you how sad I was to lose him. I even couldn’t imagine how it felt to be Kak Nova. No, don’t ever imagine, because you won’t know how it feels.

Yesterday, after the funeral, we gathered in her house. She tried to smile. She was very strong though we all knew there was that sadness and loss that she tried to hide. I remembered that we didn’t have water in her house. So I said that I would buy it for them, but I didn’t know where was the nearest mini market. She came to me and said the she would go with. She even said that she would pay for it. Of course, I didn’t let her do it. She deserved to take a rest, she deserved to mourn, she deserved to be selfish now. But she didn’t do it and she chose to walk around, met the people, and served us. 😦 I couldn’t help her much but to hug her tight and let her know that whenever she needed me, I would be there for her.

Farewell, Bang Togi. Have fun in heaven. We promise to take care of Kak Nova. Don’t worry. Enjoy your time there. 🙂



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